Do mind ur own business..plz

Hari nie hari keje yang amat menyakitkan hati..Sebab hari nie dah la first day of Period, dah tu pulak kene duduk kat ofis tgk orang buat editing.
Yang paling tak boleh bla bile boss u start tanya pasal boifie u, sakit hati pun ade jugak la..mana tak nya, bile die tibe2 nak interfere my privacy!!

But I was acting really cool..like really really cool, when I just put a big smile on my face.. Senyum je la nak buat macam mana kan..dah die boss.. tak kan nak tengking..

But sometimes, its really hard to deal with these people yang suka KEPOCI pasal orang lain..Well deep inside I do believe that they just want to run away from they very own personal matters. Tapi sumpah!! Sangat menyakitkan hati..bile they try to act like they are so good..everyone has "skeletons in their closet". Bukan ape, I don't mind kalau u nak ambil berat pasal masalah I, tapi at the same time, Please jgn kutuk and bring me down..Bukan ape. bile u cakap macam hidup u tu bagus sangat..at the end of the day, people actually do know that your life sucks too!!

Dah tu pasal my privacy life I tak suka bile org masuk campur and nak kata that I should do this instead of that!! Who are you to say that!! You are not even my mother, so STOP acting like one. Kalau aku nak bercinta dengan orang Indonesia ke Filippina ke, Siam ke, yang paling penting sekali aku tak pernah kacau hidup kau!! Dah tu pulak it doesn't even give impact to ur life. So plz stay away from my personal life..Aku buat kerja aku bagi siap!! Dah tu aku perform waktu kerja, tak de pulak aku nak bawak masalah peribadi aku campur adukkan dengan masalah kerja aku!! BETUL TAK?Aku perform, bukan tak perform, lainlah kalau aku angau, and masa kerja aku asyik ingat boyfriend aku!!

Cukup la dengan sedara mara aku yang suka jaga tepi kain aku, tak payah nak tambahkan lagi masalah aku! I have to deal with my parents, my family, my uncle's and auntie's, my cousins' and the list goes on!! and at the same time I just find it somehow irrelevant when they all try to get involved with my life..Aku kahwin nanti ade ke masalah aku jadi masalah mereka jugak?? I am sorry if I sound to harsh in this posting!! But seriousl aku dah naik fed up dengan manusia yang suka sangat campur tangan dalam urusan hidup orang lain..especially bile mereka tidak diperlukan langsung!!

Family Drama

Lately I have been really busy, like seriously busy, and at times I realize I haven't had time for myself..Thanx to my organizer, it keeps me UPDATED all the time, but there are apart of me that I haven't been really been paying attention a lot!! My <3 life..
Why am I so concern about it?
Well, I am still young and still have a long journey ahead of me..well most of the times I think about that..but there is something deeper inside that worries me the most..
my sexual desire..
I can say I have a really strong fantasy when it comes to man..here I literally emphasize on only one man, MY BOYFRIEND!!
We have actually been officially together for One Year and Eight months, somehow, in a few days time. But seriously I haven't been with him in that situation that I really want to be..You know...the intimacy part..and its not like I am legal bout it yet, but I bet everyone has that feelings..the curious feeling that u want to know how would it be if you are with that ONE and ONLY MAN you <3!!
Not only that, I am also having a problem with my family, I have been lying to them ever since the beginning, well its not like I don't feel guilty, I DO!! But the thing is, I wouldn't want them to be judging him just because he is an INDONESIAN, not like he is a bad guy, a liar, or even a thief, he is a guy who sells Fried bananas by the roadside and I am so not a shame to admit that I truly am in LOVE with him!!
He is a hardworking man..one of the most hardworking I have ever know..Although he has his flaws, but he is a human and human do make mistakes..but as far as I am concern he is just human...and I can accept him for all his mistakes.
Well I have got to go for now, there are guest downstairs..ttyl

Missing him makes me go crazy and cranky

Its a fucking 3 am in the morning,
I can't keep my eyes shut still,
i can feel something is not rite.
Well I am pissed off at him,
well y wouldn't i be,
10 days away with no single phone call
Gosh it makes me think again
if he truly is the rite person for me?
Now he seems not to care at all..
There goes my wish for the New Year
flushed down the toilet,
I am crying at 3 am in the morning
and for sure that
He might not even care even if I do!!
At this moment I really do have a mixed feeling
missing him like crazy
as well as
hating him like hell!!

Arguments

I'm crying out for HELP,
But there was no one out there who could hear me,
I feel empty,
I feel numb, no one was there to help me
arguments after another arguments,
tend to make things worst,
but again,
like I was all alone, I feel like a THING that no one bother to hold,
bother to care, bother to even look,
I feel so devastated, so weak,
there was no one to turn my back to,
no one that would like to share a shoulder to cry,
I feel like cutting myself again,
just to see if it bleeds,
but that was before,
and now,
things are totally different,
things have change,
it wasn't like before,
I've made a promise to him,
to myself,
as long as I Love him ,
but now it just feel like there is no point of keeping those promises
that I've made,
he doesn't seems to care,
It just feel different,
when there is no one who actually care,
no one who actually want to know,
no one who actually bothers,
I am screaming on top of my lungs
and she who is next to me couldn't even hear it..

Malaysia ku..

Bukan nak kata ape la..tapi lately nie, aku perasan satu perkara yang agak membimbangkan, negara Malaysia kita dah dihuni oleh ramai warganegara bukan Malaysia..macam caca merba pulak bila nak tgk. Contoh yang paling ketara la, pagi nie aku pergi la beriadah kat taman riadah di kawasan berdekatan dengan rumah, Bukan nak kata aku anti dengan orang2 luar nie, tapi agak tak selesa bila dorang pulak yang lebih 'OVER' dari orang Malaysia..pandang kite pun lain macam..naik angin betul aku. aku buat dek je la kan..malas nak layan..yg paling tak boleh bla dorang boleh kutuk2 org Malaysia pakai bahasa Tagalog..dah tu siap pandang jeling2 lagi tu..ish memang tak patut betul..

tak boleh nak dinafikan ramai juga warga asing nie yang baik dan okay, tahu berbudi bahasa.. kalau dah kat negeri org tu kene la pandai bawak diri kan..yang penting, lelaki yang paling aku CINTA juga merupakan warganegara Indonesia, ramai antara rakan2 aku yang tahu dan tidak kisah, tapi juga ada yang membangkang habis-habisan. macam-macam alasan yang dorang utarakan, tapi yang penting hubungan kami sangat suci dan aku dapat lihat keikhlasan die menerima aku. Kalau jodoh kami panjang, insyaallah aku ingin ingin membina masjid bersama dia..Moga2 doa aku dimakbulkan Allah s.w.t.

Financial

As a student in my second year degree, I have no stable income, nor do i take loans or under any scholarship..Money have always been something that makes me think a lot..How can i study and still earn some money. I have been invited to join this MLM thing but I am not interested. Some of my fellow friends have been working to earn some pocket money..Or shall I say a lot of pocket money. For me myself I have been working part time, helping my uncle to do some paper work, yea.. It helps somehow..give me some earning..But i still have to be wise on what i spent my money on..after all this time I guess I have been spending more on my top-ups, instead of my food or fuel..well I did manage to save on that..Love is putting some toll on me..Yet it still makes me happy..I am still cracking my head on how to earn more money!! Hope that Allah will give me some sign to figure it out..and not just let me crack my head to think about it!

Family and secrets..

Untuk beberapa bulan yang lalu, atau lebih tepat jika dikatakan dalam lebih kurang hampir setahun aku menyembunyikan pelbagai perkara yang pernah aku kongsi bersama ahli keluargaku.. 'I know I shouldn't do that somehow' family comes first from the others, tapi bile kita dari awal lagi tahu yang family akan menentang keputusan kita, apa yang akan kita lakukan untuk meneruskan keputusan itu? Semestinya menyembunyikan perkara- perkara yang dikira rahsia dari pengetahuan family.

Tapi sememangnya itu bukan niat sebenar diriku, tapi kadang kala kita harus faham bahawa adakalanya, keputusan yang kita fikir terbaik untuk diri kita sendiri akan difikirkan sebaliknya oleh pihak luar. Straight to the point lah kan.. I've been in a relationship with this guy for almost a year now. So far I can consider myself happy with him.. walaupun dalam menjalinkan hubungan tu ade banyak halangan, tapi kami telah berjaya mengharunginya setakat ini.

For the past 10th months, aku telah berjaya menyembunyikan hubungan aku dengan lelaki tersebut dari pengetahuan orang tua ku, dan juga penjaga ku selama 22 tahun, kak ani. Mereka nie boleh dikatakan protective. Kiranya tak mahu aku tersilap langkah lah konon. Jadi kesimpulannya mereka akan mengawal tindak tanduk hubungan ku, terutama sekali dengan siapa aku menjalinkan hubungan.

Boleh aku katakan juga, bahawa hubungan ku dengan kekasih ku ini agak rumit, atas beberapa faktor. dan rakan2 ku yang mengetahui hal perhubungan kami, selalu menasihatkan aku untuk berfikir secara rasional tentang setiap keputusan tentang masalh yang aku hadapi. Terima Kasih aku ucapkan kerana mereka adalah antara insan yang benar2 mengambil berat tentang diriku.

Walaupun aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk menyembunyikan hubungan ku dari keluarga namun, minggu lepas kantoi..ntah macam mana pula jadi perkara macam tu..tapi alhamdullillah berkat doa ku kepada Allah, hati ibu lembut..buat masa nielah..i dunno if they are playing tricks on me or what..sebab as far as I am concern mama and papa dun like him coz of what he do for living..
but i dunno, I just leave it to Allah..and let Him decides..hmm..hope that things will goes well